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teacher 9/14/2009
A school teacher was having a problem with constapation,
but she told her class not to worry she would work it out with
a pencil.
2 Comments, 61 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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Too Young 4 ME 11/22/2008
How do you know when someone is too immature for you? I know
that age is SOMETIMES only a # but when the other person is
"acting" their age --- What do you do????? When they text you 20 times a day even when you don't
respond and even when you tell them to stop. When you haven't even been on a date, or kissed, or gotten
passed a hug and they are already "text stalking"!!
At this point age is no ...
2 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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gringas 10/22/2008
There was a bus load of women two decks high going for a field
trip. The top side had the gringas and the bottom side had
the latinas. The latinas were haveing a great time down
the road laughing and singing. They were wandering what
was wrong with the huedas, so they went and checked on them
they were all pale with fear and their hands were clutching
the seats, they said it was horrible ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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dime 10/18/2008
A mexican put 50cents in the coke machine and they were selling
for 60 cents. The machine told him "dime" please
and the mexican whispered to the machine una coka.
0 Comments, 10 Views,
0 Votes
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Mexico viva la revolucion 4/3/2008
They found a cure for VD in Mexico, It is called no palito,
You can find this cacti in the deserts of sonora. Tasts real
good with scrabled eggs and red chilies.
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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yankees 3/28/2008
Yankees developed a generic form of viagra. Don't
try this at home unless supervised by a ethno pharmacists.
One part asprin and two parts miracle grow.
0 Comments, 3 Views,
0 Votes
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Gulf 3/1/2008
When I go golfing I always bring 2 pairs of pants in case I
put a hole in one.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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!! KEEP DIGGING !! 2/26/2008
!! MOM, MOM, WHY DAD IS SO PALE?? SHUT UP , AND KEEP DIGGING !
0 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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What does a baby and cake has in common? 2/13/2008
The baby and cake are made with eggs and milk.
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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cheeze 9/3/2007
Swiss like swiss cheese, Americans like american cheese,
Mexicans like che cheese.
0 Comments, 26 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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My Flight from Denver 7/7/2007
MY GIRL, I had a very pleasant dream last night... Enjoy this fantasy.
With the help of American Airlines Special Services Department
at Denver International Airport, I arranged for lotsa roses to be delivered to the
jet-bridge of my flight from Denver to LAX.
Before departing from Denver, I was escorted into the cockpit
by Special Services, Denver, and I asked the Captain to ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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The truth about men 7/6/2007
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does
it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Michigan " And they say blondes are dumb... ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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stinker 7/3/2007
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Something in the middle smells.
0 Comments, 15 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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The Handy Man 7/3/2007
The grumbling husband comes home from work. They wife meekly
says "Honey, the refrigerator is sounding funny,
could you take a look at it?" They husband replied
"What do I look like, the Matag man?"
Later than evening, the wife again meekly ask your husband
"Honey, the front porch needs some new boards, it's
about to fall I think. Could you please see if you can fix
it?" They husband ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Got Gas 6/8/2007
Why is it everyone makes fun of a big bowl of refried beans,
and nobody says nothing about white milk?
1 Comments, 34 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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Meet You in Heaven 5/1/2007
After a long illness, a woman died and
arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for
Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were
her parents and all the other people she had loved and who
had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings
to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've
been ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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What a Woman Wants in a Man 5/1/2007
What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age
22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32) ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
16 Votes
,6.36 Score
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Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter 5/1/2007
Dear (____rejectee's name here____
),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as my Mr. Right.
As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as
yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however,
keep your name on file should an opening become available. ...
1 Comments, 42 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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Newlyweds... 4/29/2007
On the first morning of a honeymoon, a young husband got
up and took breakfast to his wife. “There, ” he said. “What
do you think of that?” She gazed at the coffee, bacon, eggs
and toast laid on the tray. “Wonderful, ” she said. “Yes, ”
he said, “and that’s how I want it every morning from now
on!”
1 Comments, 56 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
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Marriage 4/29/2007
After being married for 20 years... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can
do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted
at the top of her lungs "Honey, pack your bags. I won ...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
17 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Gender Items 4/29/2007
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but
you can always see right through them. SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears
useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time
just opening bottles. KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom
in pairs. SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue hanging out. COPIER - female, ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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little mouse 4/4/2007
This young black was sitting by the road playing with
a mouse and he was telling the mouse that this was not his
lucky day because he was going to cut his tail off.
A police officer saw the boy and told him what ever you do
to the mouse is going to happen to you too.
Then the boy started to sing a song to the mouse "little
mouse little mouse this is your lucky day I'm going
to kiss ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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esquela 3/12/2007
Their were some 5th graders being asked by their teacher
to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence. She asked a little blonde girl so She said, "We went
to disney land and I was so fascinated with the whale. The teacher said wrong answer. She then asked Carlito and he said he knew how to say it, My
sister has big sheshe's and she can only FASCINATE
buttons on her blouse. Carlos got in big ...
2 Comments, 190 Views,
20 Votes
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Before and After 1/27/2007
Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating
Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac
Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football
Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start
Before - Is that all you're having?
...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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quo-vo 1/22/2007
who said mexicans are simple?
This old man from Texas wanted to make a garden in his back
yard, but he was getting to old for the task/.
He remembered His nefiew Vetho from the pinta
(prison) would always help him with chores.
He decided to write a letter to vetho, and asked him if he
could help
Vetho responded with do not dig up the back yard ...
1 Comments, 182 Views,
17 Votes
,1.29 Score
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A Blonde's Year in Review 1/9/2007
[hopefully no one who is blonde takes this to heart!]
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too
tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit
in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle
in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped ...
3 Comments, 46 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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Word Play 1/7/2007
I'm sitting here fighting off a cold that hit me like
a Mack truck...and got this in an e-mail and I actually cracked
a grin! Enjoy.
VOCABULARY SPIN
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
...
2 Comments, 55 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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See How They Mock My Profession: Disorder in the Court 1/1/2007
I've heard really weird things, and not just out of
the witnesses; you can believe the lawyers have been equally
ridiculous! Start the New Year with an ability to "laugh
at yourself" and nothing will get to you!
Velma
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now
...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Abbott & Costello and the Computer 12/31/2006
It's New Year's Eve - let's start the new year
with laughter and keep on laughing throughout! It's
good medicine. Happy New Year everyone.
If Abbott and Costello were alive today, You have to be old
enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY
understand computers, to fully appreciate this.? For
those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers,
please ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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liver 12/2/2006
The teacher asked the class to make a sentence using LIVER
and CHEESE
The little white girl said I made a sandwich with liver and
cheese and it was delicious."
The little black girl said: My daddy told my mom to get some
government cheese and she forgot, so daddy punched her
in the liver.
The mexican boy said, These men were going to violate her
sister and ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
8 Votes
,1.39 Score
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Pearls of Wisdom (or Not?) 11/11/2006
Groucho Marx:
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge
of anatomy.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him.
If he says, "Yes, " you know he is a crook.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
My mother loved - she would have given anything ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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How Many Windows Do You Have Open 11/10/2006
This 86 year old man (we'll call him Sam) got himself
a computer. Sam was a widower and since his wife died had
been spending a lot of his pension money on long distance
calls to his who lived all over the world so he thought
a computer would do the trick and save him some money.
Several months go by and over the course of time he's
called every one of his , each several times, ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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Computers - Male or Female - "Le" o "La"? 10/12/2006
The French (or Spanish) Lesson
A language teacher was explaining to her class
that in Spanish, nouns unlike their English counterparts
are grammatically designated as
masculine or feminine. For example: "House"
in French, is feminine as "la maison."
"Pencil" in French, is masculine as "le
crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender ...
4 Comments, 92 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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Things We Can Learn From Dogs 10/8/2006
1. never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride
2. allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your
face to be pure ecstasy
3. when loved ones come home, always run to greet them
4. when it's in your best interest, practise obedience
...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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nuns 10/6/2006
These two nuns were walking to the convent when they noticed
a man following them, Sister logic said let us run fast so
He can't catch us. But it ended up that the man was still
ganing on them. Then sister mathematics said lets seperate
and then he will only be able to catch one of us. So that is
what they did and the man went after sister logic. At the
end of the day they both made it to ...
1 Comments, 91 Views,
12 Votes
,2.62 Score
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don't like 10/6/2006
A man was walking along this steep cliff, when he slipped
and started falling down the hill. He yelled oh God oh God.
And suddenly this little bush caught his fall, but then
the bush started coming out by the roots and then he asked
God why me God Why me. I pay my taxes I take care of my wife and
! There was a big cloud and a voice emenating from it
that said there is some thing about you ...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Marriage fact's 8/25/2006
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely
an
...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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WHY !!! 8/25/2006
These are cute enjoy.
Why do we press harder on a remote control
when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on"insufficient funds"
when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there
are four billion stars, but check when you say
the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue ...
2 Comments, 62 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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A Father's Terror 8/25/2006
Dear Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have
been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness
in not
having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but
before
you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further
unless
you are sitting down... Okay?
...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
0 Votes
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studerer 8/16/2006
This professor was talking to his students and told them
that man is the only animal that studers their is none other.
A 7 year old girl told him she saw this cat studer one time.
She saw this cat jump across the neighbors fence and the
cat said,
FFFFFFFFF, fffffff, PHhffffffff, but it was to late by
the time the cat said freeaking dog, the pit bull ate him.
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? 8/5/2006
Hold onto you nuts this is no ordinary blow job.
0 Comments, 51 Views,
2 Votes
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Adios Wife! 5/28/2006
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,
and a bottle of Chardonnay.
...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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El primer beso 5/27/2006
(Este poema NO es original. Lo vi en una placa hace mas de
2 decadas y aqui lo comparto con ustedes)
Recuerdo el dia
Recuerdo el lugar
Recuerdo la emocion que senti
Al verte junto a mi
Pero hay algo que
no recuerdo bien....
?tu cerraste los ojos tambien?...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
0 Votes
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Calling for help 5/12/2006
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
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A JOKE A DAY WILL KEEP YOU HAPPY & GAY! 5/7/2006
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Watch Out if You Go Camping 4/11/2006
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were in the desert. After they
got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, ...
0 Comments, 241 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Who is the Man In the Photograph? 4/6/2006
After a long night of making love the
young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed
a framed picture of a good looking man.
The guy began to worry and asked, "Is this your husband?"
"No, silly, " she replied, snuggling up to
him.
"Your boyfriend then?"
"No, not at all, " she said, nibbling away at
his ear.
...
0 Comments, 260 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Mom... Which One Will I Marry ? 3/29/2006
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen
in love and is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over three women and you try and guess which one I'm
going to marry."
The mother agrees. So the next day, he brings three beautiful
women to the home and sits them down on the couch and they
chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, ...
0 Comments, 252 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Old Lady Loves Oranges 3/27/2006
Lulu was a . One day there was a raid and took all
the prostitutes to the police station. They were lined
up outside the station and took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the
street and she was so ashamed; Grandma didn't know
her occupation.
Grandma stopped to said, “Hi Lulu. What are you standing
in line for?
Lulu, ...
0 Comments, 393 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score
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You Just Might Get What You Wish For 3/24/2006
by
Denverhigh
A man walks into a bowling center with a full-grown ostrich
behind him, and says to the deskman, “I’ll have a pair of
lanes, three games for me and size ten shoes, ” and turns
to the ostrich. “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same but I have my own special shoes, ” says
the ostrich.
They ...
0 Comments, 150 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Yes, Doctor. I Know what you're Doing. 3/21/2006
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.
The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism
goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress.
After she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh. As
he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what
I'm doing?"
"Yes, " she says, "you're checking
for any abrasions or dermatological ...
4 Comments, 1250 Views,
105 Votes
,6.43 Score
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Life Cycle is backwards! 3/19/2006
I think the life cycle is all backwards . . . You should die
first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way.
You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy. Collect your pension
and Social Security. When you start work, you get a gold
watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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True Story 3/18/2006
Back just before the first Gulf war of 1990. I was on a track
vehicle with another soldier. We'd known each other
for a few years and knew each others girlfriends. Both of
us had turbulant relationships. So, one night before the
war was to have ensued he looked at me with great sadness
in his eye's and said, "If I don't make it
out of here, tell my girl... I was rich".
0 Comments, 156 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
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Worst nightmare... 3/15/2006
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing,
when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.
Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in
love with a twenty-five-year-old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young
man.
Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't
understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make
love. At ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
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My Kitchen 3/15/2006
One Tuesday evening, two confirmed bachelors were talking
when the conversation eventually drifted from sports
to politics, and then on to cooking.
The first guy said, "I got a cookbook once, but I could
never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy stuff in it, eh?" asked the other
bachelor.
"You said it." the first guy replied. "Every
one of those recipes began the ...
0 Comments, 128 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
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Drum Roll Please! 3/15/2006
Q: What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.
Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A: So they can think with an open mind.
Q: What can Life Savers do that man can't?
A: Come in five flavors.
Q: How is a penis like fishing?
A: The small ones you throw back, the medium ones you eat,
and the larger ones you mount.
Q: ...
0 Comments, 131 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
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Papa and Denver Shoot Moose! 3/14/2006
Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a shooting trip. Both
being very competitive they were determine to outperform
the other by shooting a larger moose. After shooting many
moose each, it was impossible to tell who had shot the biggest
one.
They went to the point where they were to be picked up. The
pilot of the helicopter told them to hop in. They cleared
the mountains
without ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
1 Votes
|
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Papa_Chubby and Denver High 3/14/2006
Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a hunting trip. Both
being very competitive they were determine to outperform
the other on getting a larger kill of moose. After having
each bagged a sizeable kill, it was impossible to tell who
had the bigger kill based on antler size or weight. They
went to the rendezvous point where they were to be picked
up.
The pilot of thier plane on ...
2 Comments, 101 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
|
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Its all about the numbers... 3/14/2006
Financial analyst always compare thier findings to someother
criteria, past earnings, earning of competitors to make
a decision about where a company is compared to its past
and its competitors. They are so consumed with this practice
that if you ask an analyst how his wife is, he may reply "compared
to what"?!
0 Comments, 43 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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Mistaken Identity 3/14/2006
A drunk returning home, see's a nun hurrying down the
street and knocks her down. He then yells "you don't
feel so tough now, do you Batman"!
0 Comments, 43 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
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The Perfect Couple! 3/13/2006
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was
driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding
road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in
distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
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A blonde going slow 3/13/2006
A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver
in it.
"Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so
slowly?"
"Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 40, not 65."
"Oh miss, 40 is not the speed limit, that's the
name of the highway you're on!"
"Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be
more careful from now on."
At this ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
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Are the lights on? Blondie? 3/13/2006
A brunette is driving down the highway in a convertible
with a blonde passenger. The brunette knows that she's
speeding so she says to the blonde, "Look behind and
see if that's a cop car behind us?"
The blonde looks behind her and says, "Yes that is
a cop car behind us."
The brunette then says, "Does he have his red lights
on?"
The blond replies, "Yes..."
...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
New Rule to get Into Heaven 3/12/2006
New Law to Enter Heaven:
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided
to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had
to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would
go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 12:01am, the first person came to the gates
of Heaven. The Angel at the ...
0 Comments, 57 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Sex or Golf? 3/11/2006
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One
day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and said to his lover, “Take my
shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt real good.”
She came back with them real dirty. He put them on and drove
home.
...
0 Comments, 146 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
|
|
Cinco centavos for a Steak? 3/11/2006
A man walked into a restaurant, went to the bar and ordered
a beer.
"Here you are, Senor. That'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at
the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel, " the barman replied.
"Cinco centavos?" exclaimed the man. "Very
good, I'll have a medium rare steak and a bottle of ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Wife cooks Huevos Rancheros 2/23/2006
A wife was making a breakfast of Huevos Ranchero for her
husband.
<br>
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
<br>
"Careful Querida, " he said, "Careful
put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too
many at once. Too many!”
<br>
The wife just looked at him.
<br>
“Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
|
|
Latino Cookies. 2/21/2006
Latino Cookies.
<br>
251 Words
<br>
For all the Latinos out there or those who are lucky enough
to be married to a Latino, or even to be friends of Latinos.
This is for you, Amigos. . . . Enjoy.
<br>
= = = = = = = = = = =
<br>
An elderly Latino man lay dying in his bed. While suffering
the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
The State's Dichotomy 2/18/2006
The State is conflicted. It doesn't want to be a n exectutioner,
but has no problem being a gay dungeon master.
<br>
Emo Phillips
2 Comments, 165 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Is Your Head Empty? 85 Words 2/12/2006
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clear to the little students she
said,
<br>
"Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you
know, would run into it, and It would turn my face red."
<br>
"Yes, " the class said.
<br>
"Can anyone tell me why is it that while I am standing
upright in the ordinary ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Dont leave home without it 2/9/2006
Make sure you have money to catch a ride home, and pay for
the meal..if you had a person do u this way you would tell
others to be ware!!!
3 Comments, 181 Views,
6 Votes
|
|
Why Does Your Hair Turn White.... 87 Words 2/9/2006
Posted by
2/9/06
<br>
DenverColorado
<br>
Un dia una muchachita was sitting, watching her mama do
the dishes at the kitchen sink.
<br>
She noticed that her mama had several strands of white hair
sticking out of her black hair.
<br>
She asked, "Mama. Why are some of your hairs white?"
<br>
Her mama replied, "Well, every time that you do ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
What Does God Look Like?. . . . . . . 78 Words 2/7/2006
78 Words
posted by
DenverColorado
<br>
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
. They were drawing and she would occasionally
walk around to see each 's work.
<br>
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked, “What is the drawing about.”
<br>
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
<br>
The ...
0 Comments, 277 Views,
20 Votes
,2.61 Score
|
|
Was Jonah swallowed by a whale.... 109 Words 2/7/2006
by
Denverhigh
<br>
A little girl said, "Yes, Senora Molina, Jonah was
swlloed by a whale and later he got out.
<br>
The teacher said, “It is physically impossible for a whale
to swallow a human because even though it was a very large
mammal its throat is very small.”
<br>
The little girl said, “Jonah was swallowed by a whale my
Catholic ...
0 Comments, 185 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Cop Writes a Ticket.... 207 Words 2/6/2006
Cop Writes a Ticket
by
Denverhigh 207 Words
<br>
I went to La Bufa, my favorite Mexican restaurant in Santa
Rosa, on fourth street for lunch the other day. I was only
in there for thirty five minutes. When I came out there was
a cop writing out a parking ticket because of a expired meter.
<br>
I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about
giving a senior a ...
0 Comments, 297 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score
|
|
liver and cheese 1/11/2006
School teacher asked the class if any one could make a sentence
with liver and cheese.
They asked Brenda, so she said, "My mother made some
sandwiches with liver and cheese."
Then they ask Marcos and he said he give it a try. He said, "Liver
alone cheese mine.
1 Comments, 413 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
|
|
smoking 1/2/2006
Does smoking cause cancer or it is a dillusion of grandeur.
Most habitual smokers agree you will live up to 90 years
of age like their grandparents
1 Comments, 202 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Old man 12/11/2005
This old man from Florida was having intimate problems
with his wife. He went to the doctor and bought some viagra.
He went home to see his wife and took his pills, but they got
stuck in his throat. He got a stiff neck for 2 weeks.
0 Comments, 163 Views,
13 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
blondy 12/4/2005
Why do blondes like BMW cars? Because it is the easiest one
to spell.
2 Comments, 283 Views,
10 Votes
,1.39 Score
|
|
loan 11/25/2005
If you loan a friend $10 and you never see him again. It was
well worth it.
1 Comments, 389 Views,
16 Votes
|
|
Who wants a raise? 11/16/2005
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to ...
1 Comments, 321 Views,
23 Votes
,5.70 Score
|
|
Blonde Jokes 11/9/2005
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
1 Comments, 2025 Views,
15 Votes
,1.14 Score
|
|
Accountant 11/3/2005
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one
evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old,
and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel
with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."
<br>
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting
for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too
am 54 years old, and by the time you ...
0 Comments, 453 Views,
11 Votes
,4.85 Score
|
|
Pharmacist 11/3/2005
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event,
the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have
sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but
he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy
to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about
half an hour. He tells the boy ...
0 Comments, 788 Views,
50 Votes
,6.71 Score
|
|
Old hillbilly 10/13/2005
A old Kentucky hillbilly once said, "Water is always
deeper where it still."
0 Comments, 666 Views,
14 Votes
|
|
Irish lepercon 10/9/2005
A lepercon once said, "You get freckles when you lie
alot, and get scars when you lie to your mother".
0 Comments, 241 Views,
7 Votes
,0.75 Score
|
|
gentlemen and shivilry 9/25/2005
This young man was rolling down the highway, when he saw
a young damzel in distress.She was parked on the shoulder
waiting for help.
The young man pulled over and saw that she needed her tire
replaced with the spare.
She asked him if he could help. He agreed as any gentleman
would, so he changed the flat tire.
Just as he was finishing letting the car down she asked him
to be gentle ...
0 Comments, 401 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
If I Can Make You Smile Then I Got You 9/16/2005
Humor is one of the most important things in a relationship.
The man or woman usually has more fun with the person who
has a sense of humor, rather then a body of steel. Have you
ever found yourself attracted to someone who just doesn't
fit your profile. You begin to ask yourself why. The answer
to that shouldn't be money or what he or she can do for
me, it should be because of the way he ...
2 Comments, 2652 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
|
|
mushroom 8/14/2005
School teacher in the 6th grade asked her students to make
a sentence using the word mushroom
The littlea blonde girl said I can do it. Then she said, We
put mushroom in our salad for lunch.
The teacher asked the little mexican boy and he said he would
give it a try.
My dad said we could not have anyone sleeping over because
we do not have mushroom.
0 Comments, 278 Views,
11 Votes
,0.18 Score
|
|
screw..... 8/13/2005
Back when rock n roll was the thing, guys wore blue jeans
and leather jackets and girls wore skirts with puddles
on them. Jimmy went to pick up his Date at her house.... and
the Father open the door, "well Hello there, you must
be jimmy", He said. "she will be down in a couple
of minutes..."; "ok thanks" jimmy said,
"my loves to screw, he screws all night.....I
hope you like to screw ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
IMMIGRATION 8/9/2005
Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration.
The
>Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all
the tests, except there is one
>more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United
States of
>America.
>
>Mujibar said, "I am ready."
>
>The officer said, "Make a sentence using the
words Green, Pink and Yellow."
>
>Mujibar ...
0 Comments, 384 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
|
|
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: 8/9/2005
Two prostitutes were riding around town
with a sign on top of their car which said:
" Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign
or go to jail.
<br>
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES"
<br>
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't ...
0 Comments, 335 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
|
|
CLEVER ADVICES 8/7/2005
DON'T...
...do everything today. Save some mistakes for tomorrow.
...itch all over. Learn to itch where you can scratch.
<br>
NEVER...
...put off untill tomorrow what you can't shove onto
someone else's desk.
...try to make people feel at home. If they wanted that,
they'd have stayed there.
THE BEST WAY TO...
...change a woman's mind is ...
4 Comments, 490 Views,
24 Votes
,5.52 Score
|
|
The use of foreign language 8/6/2005
Little mouse: -Mammy, Who's saying something that
i don't understand at all?
Mother mouse: -Silent! It's our enemy. Don't
go out of our house. That dirty cat is threatening us.
Little mouse: -How do you understand what he said?
Mother mouse: -It's the best example for the use of
learning foreign language.
0 Comments, 172 Views,
6 Votes
|
|
golf 7/10/2005
A lady and her caddy were playing golf.
The lady made a comment that she got bit by a bee.
The caddy replied, where did you get bit.
The lady responded that somewhere between the first hole
and the second hole.
The caddy looked down in deep thought, hmmmm I know why,
first of all your stance is to wide.
0 Comments, 331 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Will 1/26/2005
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
0 Comments, 68 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score
|
|
couple 1/20/2005
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders
why.
1 Comments, 124 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
As 1/20/2005
As deep as the ocean;
As the wide as the sea;
Please brush and floss
And give love to me.
0 Comments, 56 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
A Guy's Job 1/20/2005
A guy sticks his location,
In a girl's destinstion,
To increase the population,
For the next generation.
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?
<br>
E.U
0 Comments, 65 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Luv Ya Darling 1/20/2005
Of course I luv ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say yur gorgeous
I mean every single word
<br>
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab
<br>
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I get my arms around there
0 Comments, 58 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
the truth 1/20/2005
I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got "dimples" on ya thighs
<br>
I swear on my nana's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as I
Was ever gonna get
<br>
No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And get me another beer!
0 Comments, 49 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
Only You! 1/20/2005
You turn me on, you handsome hunk
With your sunken, hairless chest
In your skinny white arms
I feel safe from all harm
Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
<br>
Your beard is long and full of crumbs
From all the fast food there you've dropped
And with your big sloppy kiss,
I know the meaning of bliss
Oh stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
1 Comments, 136 Views,
8 Votes
,1.62 Score
|
|
Embarrassing moments!! 1/18/2005
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for
a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked
back out and never went back. My husband didn't say
a word...he knew better.
0 Comments, 104 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Embarrassing moments #2 1/18/2005
Have you ever asked your a question too many times?
My three-year-old had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with
a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old ,
and she was clean.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 123 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Embarrassing moment # 3 1/18/2005
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my decided
to release some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally
able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she
did not start behaving "right now" she would
be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't
let me go ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
Fleeing 1/18/2005
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife
suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing
diapers. "I'm busy, " he said. "I'll
do the next one." The next time came around and she
asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked
at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I
meant the next baby."
0 Comments, 294 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Warehouse 1/18/2005
These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then
comes out and says, "My wife is better." The
second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know
what? Your wife IS better."
0 Comments, 267 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
"Men" 1/18/2005
MENtal anxiety
MENtal breakdown
MENstrual cramps
MENopause...
0 Comments, 62 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
P.E.A 1/18/2005
A guy who suffered from premature ejaculation, decided
to call P.E.A (premature ejaculators anonymous)and booked
an appointment, when there he noticed that he was the only
one in the room surrounded by empty chairs he thought; 'looks
like I came too soon'.
0 Comments, 114 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
Country fair 1/13/2005
A man took his wife to the county fair and one of the first
exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went
up to the first pen and noticed a sign attached that said,
"This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife
playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He
mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that
said, "This bull ...
0 Comments, 211 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Variations of 69 1/2/2005
There is a 96, that’s when you have a fight.
<br>
There is a 68, that's when you do me and I owe you one.
<br>
A 77 is a lesbian act. Because it is like a 69, but you get eight
(ate) twice.
<br>
A 70 is a 69 for gay men because there is an extra unit involved.
<br>
6.9 is a good thing interrupted by a period.
<br>
Q o you know ...
0 Comments, 274 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
|
|
Looking 12/23/2004
A woman posted an ad in a newspaper saying , ’looking for
a husband’. Next day she received hundreds of replyies
all sayng the same thing, ‘ You can have mine’.
0 Comments, 365 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
Invitation to Dinner 12/15/2004
"Honey, " said this husband to his wife, "I
invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't
go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel
like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting ...
0 Comments, 317 Views,
24 Votes
,4.27 Score
|
|
If you are male... 11/16/2004
It's the age of younger, fitter men...(damn it!)
<br>
If you are male, and you've finally passed the final
blushes of adolescence, at oh, say, fifty or so, you've
learned that experience is worth more than its weight in
returnable beer cans, not to mention gold or silver. The
blonde wisp on the back of some guy's ride is usually
the high maintenance eye-candy she looks like. After ...
0 Comments, 192 Views,
7 Votes
,1.51 Score
|
|
Find some real Jewelry ha, ha, ha 5/10/2004
A woman goes to the doctor's office.
<br>
"Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your
opinion on."
<br>
"Could you describe the symptoms to me?" he
asked.
<br>
"Well, it's easier if I show you, " she
said and, standing up,
proceeded to undress. When she was down to her underwear
she
sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs
to
...
0 Comments, 136 Views,
79 Votes
,6.36 Score
|
|
Being a gentelman can get you in troblem tooooooooo 5/10/2004
In England from an actual trial:
<br>
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a
bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her
seat
and he seemed more amused.
<br>
She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out
laughing. She had him arrested.
<br>
When ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
121 Votes
,7.92 Score
|
|
relationship with daily life 5/10/2004
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only
about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn cop writing
out a parking ticket.
<br>
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about
giving
a gal a break?" He ignored me and continued writing
the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-dicked Nazi. He glared at me and
started writing another ticket for ...
0 Comments, 112 Views,
31 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Marketing and relationships 5/10/2004
The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.
However,
people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
<br>
Well, here it is:
You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party.
You go
up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct
Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a ...
0 Comments, 397 Views,
105 Votes
,7.37 Score
|
|
Me enamore de El selo digo? 7/22/2001
Mi problema es el siguiente en el 99 mi aniga me presento
a su novi en ese entonses solo esabes lo vi ella lo dejo por
otro pero quedaron como amigos ella y yo nos ablamos cada
1bes cada 2meses el caso es que ase 3 meses (2001) me ablo
y el esta en la linia y lo salude estabamos platicando los
3 pero ella tubo que cogar so nos quedamos el y yo en la lina
alcabo del tiempo el siguio ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
25 Votes
,0.37 Score
|
|
Que malooo... 4/23/2001
Quieren saber un mal chiste que le alegre el día. Que hizo
una bala durante 4 horas en la cabeza de una mujer tratando
de encontrar el cerebro... Otro, en que se parecen los hombres a los teléfonos públicos,
es que hay dos tipos, los buenos están ocupados y los otros
no sirven...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
16 Votes
,0.04 Score
|
|
Chiste de pastuzos 4/14/2001
<br>
Como se le pone en duda a un pastuzo
<br>
No NO lo saben, se dan,
<br>
Mañana se los digo
<br>
Espero que este chiste no sea muy común y si lo es pues disculpenpor volverlo a escribir, tengan en cuenta que los chistes
repetitivos casi en todos los lugares.
0 Comments, 19 Views,
13 Votes
|
|
De patito 2/9/2001
Esta Luchito en la cuna del hospital y le ponen a una niña
en la cuna de al lado, ni tonto ni perezoso, Luchito le hace
propuestas indecorosas..
Despues de muchas negativas y a muchas insistencias,
labebita acepta pero le hace una advertencia:
-Tiene que ser de patito...
<br>
Luchito que es muy avezado, comienza un sinfin de posiciones,
a cada cual la ñina advierte
...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
67 Votes
|
|
Admirador sorpresa. 9/13/2000
Cuando tenia 22 anos me sucedio algo fuera de lo comun. Al
ir de regreso a mi casa en el autobus, me encontre a unas amigas
que no veia desde hacia tiempo y al final de la conversacion
me pidieron mi numero telefonico el cual les di sin pensar
que alguien mas lo habia anotado. Despues de unos dias empece
a recibir una serie de llamadas que aun recuerdo. Esto sucedio
por el lapso de un ...
0 Comments, 122 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
|
